30 For 30 — Day 30 — The End: Remember… It… All

30 Days.
30 Photos.
30 Lessons.

Lesson 30: Remember… It… All

30 has come and gone.
April 8, 2021 was a day like many others. I worked, talked to my mom and dad, got coffee with a friend, worked out, made dinner, talked to friends on the phone… then watched The Lion King.
A solid day.
A day I would love at any age. Will continue to love at any age…

My final lesson for myself is to Remember It All. Remember the joy, the pain, the ups, the downs, the gains, the losses, the loyalty, the betrayal, the good, the bad, the best, and the worst. Remember it and feel it all the way through. Let it come in like the tide and flow back out again.

I wore the shoes in this photo all throughout NY. I wore them in my highest highs and lowest lows. When they became worn down and dirty (Chuck Taylor subscription service in the works from #tbvvo HQ) I decided I wanted to write down the sparknotes of my time and toss them over a powerline. The powerline part never happened, but I did write all over them: my joys, my loves, my people, my memories. It was an amazing memento and helped me let go when I first left NY.

My memory is important to me. It’s usually quite decent. I have a lot of people’s birthdays on lock. I am thankful that the mass quantities of alcohol I consumed en route to getting a college degree has not yet turned my brain to mush. Before that happens I hope I can keep writing my memories down and finding evidence in photos and videos I have taken that keep things fresh. I want to be able to draw from that and tell stories to my future kids about my life and those adjacent to me:

The game winning shot in basketball in 8th grade (I blacked out from adrenaline for about 90 seconds afterwards). The tale of sinking a pirate ship in the dead of night at a golf course with high school friends (statute of limitations has passed — I don’t think we can be prosecuted anymore). Relive the times in college where I had no idea what I wanted to do or be, but kept on keeping on and found my way to Los Angeles after… having never stepped foot in California. Working on movie sets and standing shoulder to shoulder with celebrities all while making peanut$. Being told “you won’t move to New York” and then deciding I indeed would move to New York — with no job, no idea what I wanted to do, and hardly any money (DO NOT RECOMMEND). Gallivanting around the greatest city on earth with some of my closest friends. Experiencing heartbreak for the first time but learning the power of vulnerability and truth in the process. Stumbling through my first ever real relationship and understanding what unconditional love feels like. Deciding what brings me joy and what doesn’t, resulting in my leaving New York. Accepting a job that I knew nothing about other than the people were great and it allowed me to travel… and then gaining a new outlook on what a job can really be. And learning after trial and error what my people mean to me and how they bring me joy…

There is more yet to write. I hope it is just as exciting and fun and difficult as the rest. I want the challenge and the pain and the fear. I don’t think any decision that was truly good for me came without a little fear. I want to work for greatness; do everything but settle for contentedness. This is 30. I don’t know a lot of shit, but I know some. Enough to keep on keeping on. I want to remember it all.

I have a lot of things to remember in these past 30 years. Things I am proud of and things I am ashamed of. I choose to remember them all as my 30th lesson.
I have made and lost friends. I have lived across this vast nation, driving both ways multiple times. I have ran with bulls and dove with barracuda. I’ve faced fears by jumping from planes and speaking on stages. I have been lucky enough to travel to many countries. Lucky enough to never punch or be punched by anyone. I have been almost flat out broke. I have been significantly helped. I have given help. I have found love and lost love, multiple times, somehow only with one person. I have started over. I have reached and I have missed goals. I have taken extensive notes!
Ever growing, ever changing, and doing my best to stay in the present while not forgetting the past.

I told you I watched ‘The Lion King’ tonight…cloud Mufasa says it all, “Remember.”

Remembering things is important to me. I know nothing is permanent and I want to cherish things that have come and gone, like a 30th birthday.
But not living in the past is something to keep in mind too.
Eckhart Tolle has a book called “The Power Of Now” (thanks for the rec, Kemp) that is all about this.
The past is gone and while we can learn from our mistakes we cannot let our present be decided based on those emotions.
Our future is undecided, we cannot let our moods and choices be altered based on what is yet to happen. We only have the Now.
Remember the past, but don’t let it inform all of your present or future. Easier said than done.

Here goes nothing.

Thanks for being here with me.
Here. We. Go.

Giddyup,
Pat